Muslim Agony Uncle | “I’m a Muslim Single Mum – Will Any Good Muslim Man Want to Marry Me?”

Dear Agony Uncle,

I’m a 32-year-old Muslim single mother of two young children (ages 4 and 7) living in Bradford. I’ve been divorced for three years after my ex-husband left us for another woman. I’m finally ready to consider remarriage, but I’m terrified that no decent Muslim man will want a woman with children. When I mention I have kids on marriage apps, conversations seem to fizzle out. At community events, I feel like I’m seen as “damaged goods.” My children ask about having a new daddy, and I want to find love again, but I’m losing hope. Is it realistic for a Muslim single mum to find a good husband? How do I navigate dating with children whilst maintaining Islamic values? I feel like I’m stuck between wanting companionship and protecting my children.

– Hopeful Mum in Bradford

Want some advice? Our CEO Shaz tackles some of your dilemmas in this video ⬇️

The Islamic Perspective on Remarriage for Single Mothers

Let me start with the most important point: Islam not only permits but encourages remarriage for divorced women, including mothers. The Quran and Sunnah provide clear guidance that there is no shame in seeking a new spouse after divorce, regardless of whether you have children.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) himself married Sayyida Khadijah (RA), who was previously married with children, and several of his other wives were also previously married or widowed with children. This establishes a clear precedent that motherhood and previous marriage do not diminish a woman’s worth or marriage prospects in Islam.

Key Islamic Principles to Remember

• Your value is not diminished by divorce or motherhood
• Seeking companionship is a natural, Islamic desire
• Blended families have blessed precedents in Islamic history
• Allah’s mercy extends to providing for widows and divorcees

The Reality of Single Muslim Motherhood

Understanding the Challenges

Your experiences reflect genuine obstacles that many Muslim single mothers face:

Community Stigma

• Some communities unfortunately still view divorce as shameful
• Single mothers may face whispered judgements or exclusion
• Cultural traditions sometimes conflict with Islamic teachings

Practical Concerns

• Men may worry about financial responsibilities for existing children
• Concerns about bonding with children who aren’t biologically theirs
• Questions about custody arrangements and co-parenting dynamics

Personal Anxieties

• Balancing children’s needs with desire for companionship
• Protecting children from potential disappointment
• Managing guilt about wanting personal happiness

Reframing Your Approach to Muslim Marriage

What You Bring to a Marriage

Instead of focusing on perceived disadvantages, consider what you offer:

Maturity and Life Experience

• You understand commitment, sacrifice, and unconditional love
• You’ve developed independence and resilience
• You have realistic expectations about marriage

Proven Nurturing Abilities

• Your children demonstrate your capacity for love and care
• You’ve shown you can manage a household and family
• You understand the importance of stability and security

Clarity About What You Want

• You know what works and what doesn’t in relationships
• You’re likely more selective and intentional about partnerships
• You understand the importance of choosing the right father figure

The Right Muslim Man for You Exists

Men Who Appreciate Single Mothers

Many quality Muslim men actively seek relationships with single mothers because they:

• Value maturity and life experience over youth alone
• Want ready-made families and enjoy being father figures
• Appreciate women who’ve proven their commitment and nurturing abilities
• Understand that children can be a blessing, not a burden

Types of Men Who Make Good Stepfathers

Divorced Men with Children

• Understand the complexities of blended families
• Are often more patient and realistic about family dynamics
• May appreciate the companionship children provide

Older Men Seeking Families

• May be ready to settle down with an established family
• Often more financially stable and emotionally mature
• May see your children as an instant blessing

Men from Large Families

• Comfortable with children and family chaos
• Often natural nurturers and caregivers
• May have experience helping raise siblings or nieces/nephews

Practical Dating Strategies for Muslim Single Mothers

Timing Your Disclosure

Be Upfront But Strategic

• Mention children early but don’t lead with it
• Focus first on compatibility and connection
• Allow potential partners to get to know you as an individual

On Marriage Apps

• Include one photo with your children (faces obscured for privacy)
• Mention motherhood in your bio but emphasise your other qualities
• Use phrases like “blessed with two beautiful children” rather than “single mum seeking…”

Where to Meet Suitable Partners

Community-Based Approaches

• Mosque events where families are common
• Islamic family-oriented activities and fundraisers
• School events if you’re comfortable mixing social circles

Online Platforms

• Muslim marriage sites that allow you to filter for men open to existing children
• Apps specifically designed for single parents
• Professional networks where your career accomplishments shine

Managing Introductions and Meetings

Protecting Your Children

• Don’t introduce potential partners until you’re serious
• Meet several times without children present first
• Watch how he interacts with children generally before involving yours

Islamic Dating Guidelines

• Maintain appropriate boundaries during the getting-to-know period
• Include family members or friends in initial meetings
• Focus on compatibility for marriage, not casual dating

Addressing Common Concerns

“Men Don’t Want to Raise Other Men’s Children”

The Reality: Many men are honoured to help raise children who need father figures. In Islam, caring for orphans (including children whose fathers are absent) is considered highly virtuous.

“I’m Too Old/Tired for Romance”

The Reality: Many of the strongest marriages begin later in life between people who know themselves well. Your maturity is an asset, not a liability.

“My Children Will Reject a New Father”

The Reality: Children often thrive with positive male role models. With proper introduction and patience, many children welcome loving stepfathers.

Red Flags to Avoid

Be cautious of men who:

• Show no interest in your children or see them as inconveniences
• Push for physical intimacy before marriage
• Seem to fetishise single mothers or have unrealistic expectations
• Are not serious about marriage and family commitment
• Show controlling behaviour or try to isolate you from your children

Preparing Yourself and Your Children

Personal Preparation

Emotional Readiness

• Ensure you’ve processed your previous relationship
• Be clear about what you want in a new marriage
• Develop confidence in your worth as a complete person

Practical Considerations

• Establish your financial independence where possible
• Create stable routines for your children
• Consider counselling to work through any remaining trauma

Preparing Your Children

Age-Appropriate Conversations

• Explain that you’re looking for someone to love all of you
• Reassure them that finding a new husband doesn’t mean loving them less
• Let them know they’ll always be your priority

Setting Boundaries

• Children don’t need to meet every potential partner
• Maintain their routines and security during your search
• Listen to their concerns and feelings throughout the process

Success Stories and Hope

Many Muslim single mothers have found loving, committed partners who embraced both them and their children. These marriages often become stronger because they’re built on realistic expectations, genuine appreciation, and mature love.

Remember the story of Umm Salama (RA), who was widowed with children and later married the Prophet (PBUH). Her children were welcomed and loved, and she became one of the most respected women in Islamic history.

Your status as a single mother doesn’t make you less desirable – it makes you more selective. The right Muslim man won’t see your children as baggage; he’ll see them as part of the blessing of marrying you. Take your time, trust your instincts, and don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t appreciate the complete package of who you are. Allah has someone planned for you who will love not just you, but your children as well.

Your journey to remarriage might take longer, but when it happens, it will likely be with someone who truly understands and values what family means.

Disclaimer: This advice is for guidance only and should not replace professional counselling or Islamic scholarly consultation for specific situations.