Dear Muzz: He Earns Less Than Me...
May 15, 2023
It's finally here! The agony aunt you never knew you needed 😉
The two aunties answering your questions today have an acclaimed wealth of knowledge on dating and Muzz, as they have both been on the app. Found Love On Muzz has, you guessed it, actually found love on Muzz. While Kissed A Few Frogs has acquired a great amount of insight into red flags and relationship Dos and Don'ts from her own experiences of dealing with all the f***boys.
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Disclaimer: Their responses are just their opinions, so follow it at your own risk!
I’ve met someone on your app, thank you so much! He’s coming to meet my family this week to discuss marriage Inshallah. We really get on well and love each other so I’m very happy.
There is a slight issue though. He’s a barber and loves his job a lot, which I’m happy about, but he does earn a lot less than me (I’m working in a male dominated computer programming sector so get paid very well Alhumdullillah). We have agreed to go half half on payments for everything, and this doesn’t really bother me. I’ve grown up in the UK so I have quite an open mindset about these things.
However, it does bother my parents, they’re very traditional and are of the mindset that the man should pay for everything. They haven't even met him yet and they make jokes about how I’m the one that’ll be paying for the house and for our kids, and basically how I wear the trousers in the household.
This never used to bother me before, but constantly being surrounded by these comments is starting to make me question things. I’m also worried my parents will say something to upset him, or will reject him because of his salary.
I would love some advice on this situation.
Kissed A Few Frogs Replied:
Screw societal norms!!! Don’t let what society told you is normal stop you from living your best life. Salary and job titles don’t matter as much as the kind of person your potential partner is and how he treats you. If he’s loving, kind, and a good person then the fact that he cuts hair for a living shouldn’t matter.
Also think of all the free haircuts you’ll get!
Your parents might not fully understand. They come from a generation where status and money means more than it does now and the woman would always play a different role than the man. But as long as you stay strong and don’t give your family a reaction when they bring up your partner's salary they should hopefully get the hint. If not, then make sure to sit them down and tell them you don’t appreciate them making these comments, and to especially avoid doing so in front of your partner.
And I feel that once they meet him a few times and get to know him, these comments will stop as they’ll grow to have more respect for him.
Best of luck!
Found Love On Muzz Replied:
Our parents come from a day and age where the man pays for everything, but what they fail to realise is that now everything is so expensive, and it is SO HARD to do that!
There is no shame in earning more than your man and splitting the bills. One thing I’ve learnt in life is to not listen to anyone's opinion- the haters will hate, the aunties will gossip etc. We can’t stop others from talking, but at the end of the day we are not living our life for them, we are living for ourselves, and if you are completely fine with your financial situation, then it doesn’t matter what others say.
One very important thing to remember: Khadija (AS) asked the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) if he would marry her, he hesiated due to the fact he didn’t have enough money. However Khadija was a successful business woman and she was ok with this as she was in love with the Prophet’s (SAW) honesty and character. I think this should be enough for your parents to understand that character comes before all these other things, and besides it’s not like he’s not working!
Like Kissed A Few Frogs said, your parents just need to meet him and come round to the idea of your marriage. But also make sure to talk to your partner about this situation so he knows what he’s going in for before the meeting.
Good luck with everything :)
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