The Struggles of Halal Dating and How to Surpass Them
September 13, 2023
If you’re twenty-something, single, and not living under a rock then you’ve probably tried meeting someone online. Now this can be a struggle for everyone. But when you’re twenty-something, single and Muslim, it gets hard. As if being a Muslim in this day and age wasn’t hard enough you know?!
Young Muslims typically grow up in fairly traditional households, with their parents, aunties, uncles, neighbours and random people on the street asking them when they’re going to be getting married. I mean, you grow up with your parents telling you off for even talking about the opposite sex, let alone speaking to them.
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You grow up with dating being such a taboo subject and the words boyfriend or girlfriend were never in your vocab. But then one day, you turn 21, have just finished uni, and suddenly your mum turns around and is like, “So when are you going to bring home someone suitable to marry?”. Don’t worry, we’ve all experienced the whiplash you get when someone goes from 0 to 100 and it's annoying AF.
Alas, with technology and apps, young Muslims have found a way around this and the threat of having to settle for marrying their cousin that’s 3,000 miles away. Known as ‘halal dating’, Muslims can now with a simple click of an app find someone they think might be the one (and someone who hopefully thinks the same). They can get to know them whilst sticking to their Islamic values.
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When Muslim men and women date one another, it is with the intention of marrying one another or deciding against marrying. But in a world where most dating apps are still predominantly Western, the struggle to maintain the halal in halal dating is hard work.
Table of Contents:
What is halal dating?
Before we dive into the struggles of halal dating and how to surpass them, let's talk about halal dating. What exactly does it mean?
Well, halal dating refers to the practice of dating in a way that is permissible according to Islamic principles. It involves seeking a romantic relationship while adhering to the guidelines and boundaries set by Islam. The goal is to find a life partner, someone with whom you can build a loving and lasting marriage while staying true to your faith.
In halal dating, there are certain principles that come into play.
First and foremost, there is an emphasis on maintaining modesty and avoiding any physical intimacy outside of marriage. This means no holding hands, hugging, or anything beyond that until you are legally wedded. It's all about preserving the sanctity of physical intimacy for the sacred bond of marriage.
Another important aspect of halal dating is involving families and seeking their approval and blessings. In Islamic culture, the family plays a significant role in the marriage process. It's not just about the individuals involved, but also about creating a union between two families. This means that when you're exploring a potential relationship, you involve your parents, seek their guidance, and ensure that everyone is on board with the decision.
Halal dating focuses on getting to know the person for their character, values, and compatibility. It's not solely based on physical attraction or superficial factors. Muslims are encouraged to spend time with each other in a respectful and supervised manner, engaging in conversations to understand each other's personalities, interests, and goals. The ultimate intention is to find a partner who shares your values, supports your faith journey, and can be a true companion in this life and the hereafter.
Here are 6 struggles Muslims face when it comes to halal dating:
Avoiding the players
Online dating is FULL of people just looking for a casual, one-night-only relationship (if you can even call it that). Being Muslim and trying halal dating is hard when you go through the effort of chatting to someone for a while only to find out that they aren’t looking for anything long-term (let alone marriage lol). Also don’t get girls started on the 2am’ers who ask ‘what’s up’ and if ‘we’re free’. Let’s just all be thankful to Allah that Muslim dating apps like Muzz are a thing now or we’d all be single forever.
Trying to find the one
You know what’s hard? Trying to find that one guy from the same region as your family who ticks your parents’ boxes but also ticks your boxes as well. Like finding someone who shares your sense of humour, whom you find attractive and who's not just looking to find a girl who wants to stay in the kitchen all day, while single-handedly taking care of the kids. Actually, you know what’s worse? Finding the one for you and it turns out he’s not Muslim…
Keeping those urges in check
Look, let’s not beat around the bush shall we, we all have urges and they’re not going away any time soon. It’s a struggle going on dates, trying to get to know the person you might potentially marry and having to jump ten feet apart if your hands happen to brush against theirs. Just remind yourself that it’ll be worth the wait.
Telling your parents that you met someone on the internet
To be honest, most Muslim parents have come a long way considering they grew up with entirely different backgrounds and social norms, but it will never be easy explaining to your dad how you met your future husband or wife on an online app. Or explaining how the whole ‘don’t talk to strangers on the internet' mantra just isn’t really a thing anymore.
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When they ask for pictures
This one is more applicable to girls really but it can also happen to guys, I’m not here to discriminate. Sometimes you’ll be chatting away to someone and they suddenly ask if they can see some more of you. Now this can be as innocent as just asking for another picture of you out and about to see what you look like. Or it can be less innocent if you get what I mean… at least it weeds out the ones who aren’t serious about you.
Finding someone right before Ramadan
The holy month of Ramadan is all about being mindful and carrying out one of the five pillars of Islam. It’s definitely not about getting to know the guy you just started talking to. Meaning that you’re basically out of commission for a month out of the year and the only date that’s going to be acceptable is the one you eat when you break your fast.
How to surpass the struggles of halal dating
Dealing with these struggles is only scratching the surface, but you get the idea. Now, we’ll share a few tips on how you can surpass them. So, let's dive right in and discover some effective strategies to navigate the challenges of halal dating with confidence and grace.
How to avoid the players
We know halal dating can have its challenges, especially when it comes to avoiding players and finding someone who's genuinely interested in a long-term, meaningful relationship. But don't worry, we've got some tips to help you navigate this journey with confidence!
Be clear about your intentions right from the start. When you're chatting with someone online, let them know that you're looking for a serious, long-term relationship within the boundaries of halal dating. By putting it out there early on, you'll weed out those who are just looking for a fling.
Now, here's an important tip: take your time. Don't rush into deep emotional investments right away. Engage in meaningful conversations, explore common interests and values, and pay attention to how they act and communicate. If someone seems inconsistent or insincere, trust your gut and be cautious. Halal dating is all about finding compatibility and genuine commitment, so don't settle for anything less.
How to find the one
Now, let's tackle the challenge of finding "the one." It can be tough, especially when you have to consider your family's expectations along with your own preferences.
Instead of solely focusing on finding someone from the same region who ticks all the boxes, try to prioritize shared values, a sense of humour, and genuine compatibility.
Remember, halal dating is about finding a partner who respects and supports you, not someone who expects you to fit into stereotypical roles. Keep an open mind, explore different possibilities, and trust that the right person, who aligns with both your and your family's criteria, will come along.
How to keep those urges in check
We're only human, and those desires won't disappear magically. But the key is to remind ourselves of the bigger picture. Halal dating is about building a strong foundation for a lasting relationship based on mutual respect and shared values.
It's not easy to resist the urge to move things forward physically, but by maintaining boundaries and focusing on emotional connection and compatibility, you set the stage for a deeper and more meaningful connection. Trust in the process, have patience and believe that the wait will be worth it.
How to tell your parents that you met someone on a dating app
When it comes to telling our parents that we met someone on the internet, it can feel like a daunting task. But here's the thing, most Muslim parents have come a long way in understanding the changing dynamics of modern relationships.
Start by having an open and honest conversation with them, explaining the values and intentions that guided your decision to explore halal dating online. Educate them about the safety measures and compatibility-focused approach of these platforms such as Muzz. It might take time for them to fully understand, but with patience, love, and sincere communication, they might come to appreciate and support your journey.
What to do when they ask for pictures
Ah, the topic of pictures! It's something that many of us, especially girls, have encountered. Sometimes, people may request additional pictures to get a better sense of who we are. While it can be innocent, we must remain cautious and trust our instincts.
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Remember, halal dating is about finding someone who values and respects us for who we are, beyond just physical appearance. If someone's focus seems to be solely on superficial aspects, it's a red flag indicating that they might not be serious about building a genuine connection. Keep your standards high and prioritize compatibility on a deeper level.
What to do when you find someone just before Ramadan
Lastly, finding someone right before Ramadan can be a tricky situation. The holy month is a time for spiritual reflection and devotion, not the ideal time to embark on a new relationship.
While it may feel like a pause in the dating journey, embrace the opportunity to focus on your faith and personal growth during Ramadan. Trust that if it's meant to be, the connection will still be there after the month ends. Keep your intentions pure and use this time to deepen your relationship with Allah, knowing that His timing is always perfect.
In conclusion, the struggles of halal dating can definitely test our patience and make us question if we'll ever find that special someone. But guess what? You’ve got this! By acknowledging these struggles and understanding that they're a shared experience among many Muslims, you can find solace in knowing you're not alone in this journey.
To surpass these hurdles, it's important to approach halal dating with a clear mindset and effective strategies. Remember, communication is key! By openly expressing your intentions and seeking compatibility beyond superficial factors, you can filter out those who aren't looking for a serious, long-term relationship. Utilizing Muslim-specific dating apps like Muzz you can also increase your chances of connecting with individuals who share your values and aspirations.
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