Deal-breakers: The Relationship Edition
August 8, 2022
Written by: Saira Khan
“So you’re looking to get married? What are you looking for in your future spouse?”
Sound familiar? I’d like to start off by sharing a little fact that many aren’t aware of: studies have shown that deal-breakers have more of an impact when one is considering a possible spouse, than dealmakers. For clarification, dealmakers are all the things that came to your head when you read the question at the start of this article, and deal-breakers are the things that cause you to end things whether it’s 10 minutes in or 10 years in- the non-negotiables. In short, the negatives are more likely to outweigh the positives, no matter how positive they are!
Whilst it goes without saying that everyone’s preferences and boundaries are unique to them and their life experiences, I’ve mentioned a mere few that I feel need to be highlighted in this day and age. Grab your cuppa… or your protein shake… or your water (you get the message) and get reading!
Sounds simple enough- something on your mind? Talk about it. Something’s upset you? Grab a burger, have a conversation and figure out how you can avoid this situation in the future (you always think better on a full stomach.) Communication is something that is so vital in any type of relationship, not just romantic ones. The ability to effectively communicate and resolve issues in a respectful and timely manner however, is a virtue that is not so common.
Generation ‘can’t even get a text back’ has largely romanticised the idea of being petty to get your way. Waiting 5 hours to reply because your other half took 10 minutes to reply? Completely ignoring someone midway through a conversation because you can’t let them down gently? Childish. The lack of one’s ability to put their concerns or their issues across in a calm and respectful manner is a massive red flag. As is the inability of one to listen to your concerns when you raise them, to validate your feelings and work with you to reach a solution.
Effective communication is a basic factor that establishes the foundation of every relationship you establish. That being said, whilst you may not notice effective communication at play, you will certainly feel the lack of it.
Here are some red flags related to communication- however obvious they may seem:
Being responsible is largely to do with being accountable. This part is definitely complicated as there are so many avenues associated with the topic as a whole- might need a whole other article dedicated to it! The lack of responsibility is a dealbreaker, but what do we mean by this? Here’s a bumper-pack version of some things you can look at to determine responsibility in a person:
Another fun fact: every single issue I mentioned above can be abolished by this one thing. If when confronted with any of these issues, a person is able to have a healthy conversation about how to improve and how one can help the other- this, my friends, is the beauty of compromise.
It is the willingness to understand and reflect upon one's actions that will ensure all your disagreements only end in both parties becoming more understanding of the other. Through compromise you build trust and respect, as well as a continued reassurance of one another’s commitment to a better, healthier relationship.
Similarly the lack of willingness to compromise can be destructive and is a famed enemy of progress. If you find yourself raising the same concerns or issues to no avail, or if someone keeps going back on their end of the deal- you have yourself a deal-breaker. This will only cause contempt and hate to grow between you two which will certainly manifest in an ugly way.
I don’t know who needs to read this but you don’t owe anyone anything!
Please don’t think that you deserve less for any reason whatsoever- have faith that what your Lord has planned for you is so much better than what you could ever imagine. Focus on bettering yourself as a whole before you ask all these things of someone else. Remember, nothing good comes easy.
Due to the sensitive nature of some of the topics discussed, please always talk to someone if you’re in a tricky situation, help is always available- feel free to drop us a message
Written by: Saira Khan
A recent Psychology graduate who enjoys blogging and baking in their spare time.
Find me on Instagram: @bakesbysaira
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