Dear muzmatch: First Date Nerves- Help!
August 8, 2022
It's finally here! The agony aunt you never knew you needed 😉
The two aunties answering your questions today have an acclaimed wealth of knowledge on dating and muzmatch, as they have both been on the app. Found Love On muzmatch has, you guessed it, actually found love on muzmatch. While Kissed A Few Frogs has acquired a great amount of insight into red flags and relationship Dos and Don'ts from her own experiences of dealing with all the f***boys.
Disclaimer: Their responses are just their opinions, so follow it at your own risk!
I usually don’t do this stuff, but as a guy I feel a bit embarrassed discussing this stuff with my friends. So I once went on a date with a girl and honestly, it was so s***. I was so nervous the whole time and stupid stuff just kept coming out of my mouth and I could’nt stop it.
She left the date early, made up an excuse about her friend crying or something. I didn't tell my boys this because they would roast the hell out of me. Anyways, I haven't been on a date since that happened (almost a year ago).
Since lockdown started I’ve been using muzmatch and now lockdown is easing me and this girl are meeting up for the first time next week. We’ve had video calls and those have gone well, but I’m worried my nerves will get the better of me and I’ll look like a fool when we meet in person, and she’ll leave early again.
Kissed A Few Frogs Replied:
I wouldn’t let one bad date get you down! If we all did that then none of us would meet anyone or ever get married, because we’ve all been there. The first time you meet someone is so nerve wracking, especially when the goal is to see if they’re right for you in the long term.
I’m glad you got back on muzmatch and started looking for your perfect partner again, that’s the first step to getting back out there. You’ve even had a video date!!! I haven’t even done that yet 😂 I actually think video dates make me more nervous because you can’t fully judge a person's body language you know? So the fact that yours went well means you’ll be absolutely fine on your date. Have a bit more faith in yourself!
Some of my general first date tips are: get there a little early, it always makes me feel better to scope out the area and settle myself before my date gets there. Try to not focus on what you’re saying and instead focus on what they’re saying, it’ll help distract you and show that you’re a good listener.
Found Love On muzmatch Replied:
That’s so sad but don’t worry you are not alone!! A lot of men and women experience first date nerves that result in them crashing on the date, what we need to do is figure out how to get rid of these.
I think first of all, you need to stop putting your date on a pedestal, and consider these things: she may be nervous just like you, maybe you won’t like her and you’ll want to leave early this time (nothing wrong with not liking her, just take her feelings into consideration when letting her down- you don’t want to hurt her the way you got hurt). And finally, you’ve already had video calls that went well, why shouldn’t the date go well too?
As a psychology graduate (and from my own experience) I know too well how negative thinking can impact your actions, if you keep thinking about how the date will go wrong and how you’ll mess up, you may end up doing just that. You need to think positively, that it will go well and you will be fine Inshallah, and I really do think you will be! Keep thinking about how well your conversations and video calls have been, and hopefully that will shine through on your date.
You also mention that "stupid" things kept coming out of your mouth, was this to fill a silnce, or just so you have something to say? Because if so, you don't need to do this. A silence isn't always a bad thing, sometimes it can be a good opportunity to gather your thoughts or just reflect. On my first date with my husband, we had a few silent moments, but they were so comfortable and peaceful, and that was actually what made me decide I want to continue our relationship, the fact that I felt such peace with him. However if it is an awkward silence, it doesn’t hurt to have some conversation starters or stories in your head, think of things you would like to find out about her, stories of funny things that had happened to you that you would like to share etc. I know this is sooo cliche, but be yourself, let her feel relaxed and at ease around you.
Lastly, don’t be so harsh on yourself, so what if you're nervous? So what if the date goes wrong? It’s ok, we all have bad dates, one thing i’ve learnt is bad dates make for great stories, so don’t worry about it, just try to enjoy yourself. Good luck!
If you have any questions or need any advice, feel free to drop us an email at: [email protected]
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