Dear muzmatch: He Keeps Bringing Up Sex On A Muslim Dating App!
July 17, 2020
It's finally here! The agony aunt you never knew you needed 😉
The two aunties answering your questions today have an acclaimed wealth of knowledge on dating and muzmatch, as they have both been on the app. Found Love On muzmatch has, you guessed it, actually found love on muzmatch. While Kissed A Few Frogs has acquired a great amount of insight into red flags and relationship Dos and Don'ts from her own experiences of dealing with all the f***boys.
Disclaimer: Their responses are just their opinions, so follow it at your own risk!
I matched with this guy and I really like him, we get on really well and agree on a lot of the same topics. We’ve been talking for a month now, both our families know and we’ve spoken about marriage so it’s a serious thing. There’s only one thing that’s bothering me. He always finds a way to bring sex into the conversation. At first he was good and he wouldn't, but ever since we had the marriage talk, he always brings it up and he says things like “it’s ok, I’m going to marry you anyways”. We’ve only been speaking for a month though, we haven't even met yet, so I don’t know if it’s ok. And it makes me uncomfortable.
Finding it really awkward and I don’t know how to deal with this. Like, I'm pretty sure it’s haram. I like him and don’t want to end things but at the same time I want to keep this relationship halal, and I’m scared he doesn't want that, and that he’ll leave me if he doesn't get what he wants. The other day he said something sexual and I said we shouldn't talk about this, and he called me frigid. This really upset me. He’s still a student and can’t afford to get married for another year. If he’s already calling me frigid now then I don’t know how we’ll keep things halal for the whole year.
Kissed A Few Frogs Replies:
You need to get rid of him. If you had met and you knew he was the one then I’d say maybe give him another chance but you haven’t. He sounds like a religious f***boy if i’m honest where they say they’re halal and you guys are going to get married but they really just want something else.
I’ve been there before. I started chatting to someone and got so invested in them. They were saying all the right things and making all the right moves. But once things went a little too far he started to back off and ghost me. The hot and cold behaviour really messed with my head. Those kinda guys just aren't worth it believe me.
But aside from all that, no one should make you feel bad about yourself, especially the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. You’re worth so much more than that and deserve someone who will respect you and the way you want to live your life.
Found Love On muzmatch Replies:
Sister, honestly judging from your email, I think you know what you need to do. I’m just going to be honest and say it how it is: he sounds like an F*** boy. He said he told his parents about you, but how do you know this? Did he put you on video call with them? He could easily be lying and saying he did just so he can start talking about sex.
But ok let's give him the benefit of the doubt and say I’m wrong, what he’s doing remains haram. Haram is haram and halal is halal, there isn’t this inbetween “oh I’ll marry you anyways” blurred line. He clearly doesn't respect you. He’s calling you frigid, and it’s only been a month of talking; he doesn’t care that this is making you uncomfortable and he’s not taking your feelings into consideration. Furthemore, you’re saying he can’t afford to get married at the moment, so how long do you plan to put up with this?!
If he’s genuinely a good guy then you guys should be able to sit and discuss this (over a video call seeing as you havent met yet?), but let him know that for you this is a deal breaker and you are considering ending the relationship if he continues to go on like this.
Don’t ever compromise your values for any guy, even if you’ve been together for a year, 2 years, however many years. Just no. You and your religion come first always!
If you have any questions or need any advice, feel free to drop us an email at: [email protected]
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