Bored Of Your Marriage ? Here Are 8 Reasons Why
August 8, 2022
The first part of a relationship, the “honeymoon” phase, is always the most romantic. It’s a whirlwind of excitement and love- everything is new and amazing, and you just feel so ridiculously happy. But often as the relationship continues into marriage, you feel you lose that, and suddenly the relationship starts to feel a bit stale and boring. According to Psychologist Mariana Bockarova, boredom is often cited as a reason for marital discord.
Here are 8 reasons why your marriage may feel a bit boring, and some tips on how to bring it back to life!
1) You Fall Into A Routine
This is the most common reason a marriage can feel stale. You and your spouse know each other well, and you know what you like and dislike, which places you enjoy going to, restaurants, cafes, films etc. You get comfortable sticking to this routine, and although comfortable is good… it’s also boring.
You need to bring back that excitement and energy into your relationship! Do something new: go on an adventure together, go hiking up a mountain, or snorkelling. Even something small like trying a different type of cuisine! Change things up to keep it exciting. Don’t take things like date nights for granted, as these are so important for keeping the romance alive in your relationship.
2) Getting Too Comfortable Around Each Other
It’s a lovely feeling when you can truly be yourself around your partner and know that they’ll love you know matter what. However, once you get too comfortable and stop putting in any effort, this is when the boredom kicks in.
At the start of your marriage, you probably put in a lot of effort into your appearance, and you focused on the way you acted around your partner, and the way you would treat them. You wore your nicest lingerie/ clothes around each other, you avoided burping and farting etc.
Some couples don’t mind the burping and farting, however, this can be taken as a sign of bad manners. Your partner may be internally annoyed that you’re no longer putting in as much effort, and feel like you’re not as invested in to the relationship, or that you’re taking it for granted.
You should still attempt to put in that same effort, even if it’s just for one day or night of the week. Get dressed up and go for a date, treat your spouse to something special (e.g. breakfast in bed). You have a whole lifetime to spend together, make it worth spending!
3) Sex Has Become A Chore
A satisfying sex life is super important in a marriage; in fact researchers have found that couples are happier when their sex life is active and rewarding. At the start of the marriage sex is something new and thrilling, you are both discovering each other in ways you never have. However, this can also fall into a routine if you’re continuously doing the same things.
Like any routine, it can get boring, for some it can even become a chore. As sex is such a taboo subject in the Islamic community, couples may find it difficult to discuss this, or even know where to go to spice up their sex life.
A good place to start is by doing some research of your own, or together as a couple (by this we absolutely do NOT mean watching porn). We mean reading some texts around the topic. Here is a great read on the subject by a practicing Muslim female psychologist : The Muslimah Sex Manual: A Halal Guide to Mind Blowing Sex.
Researchers also find that the thing that makes sex so much better is the affection shown to one another before the actual sex (i.e. foreplay). After being married for a while it can be easy to just skip the foreplay or not engage in it for as long. But this is such an important part that should definitely not be skipped over, make sure to take time and show affection, and make your spouse feel loved in more than just a physical sense.
4) Lack Of Flirting/ Compliments
Spending every day together can make you forget that you ever had a romantic relationship, and with that the flirting and playfulness is gone. But one important thing we need to remember is that flirting is not just for singles! Flirting has actually been found to reduce fights in a marriage and increase your spouse’s self-esteem. So, continue with the flirting and compliments!
5) Spending All Your Time Together
This can be super unhealthy in a relationship. First of all it can make you forget that you are your own person, with your own hobbies and goals, your own friendship groups, etc., It’s easy to lose sight of that when you spend every waking moment with your spouse, and eventually merging into one person!
Spending too much time with your partner can lead to a boring relationship, as you have less to talk about, and start taking each other for granted, especially as you don’t get to miss each other. It’s good to take some time apart to do your own things and focus on yourself sometimes. This can make you appreciate your spouse a lot more.
6) Spending None Of Your Time Together
This is the other extreme, and it can also be super unhealthy for your marriage. In fact this is a very common reason for marital problems!
Clearly the only solution is to make time for each other. Cancel some of your plans, reduce the time you spend on other activities; at the end of the day surely they can't be more important than your spouse and your relationship? The phrase “I don’t have time” is not true, you can always make time!
7) You Never Disagree On Anything
“Isn’t that a good thing?” You may be wondering…No. Because this most likely means that one of you is lying, or just compromising to make your partner happy. Of course, you don’t want to be fighting or arguing all the time, but small disagreements are often needed to get your opinion heard, and to allow the relationship to change and develop further.
Also, sometimes a small disagreement can make the relationship a little more exciting- but obviously this isn’t an excuse to pick fights over every little thing, this is only to do with serious issues you’re unhappy with and feel need to be changed.
8) Assuming Everything Is Ok
And this is the final point to look out for when considering whether your relationship is boring or not. I have definitely been guilty of this where I assume everything is going well and my husband and I are happy, so I just stop putting in effort. And then things get boring and we wonder where we went wrong?
The thing with marriages is that they constantly need to be worked on… It’s like with an exam at school, once you get a good grade you don’t stop studying, do you? No, you continue to work so you can do even better the next time! Well, a marriage is even more important than an exam, so give your marriage the time and effort it deserves to prevent it from becoming stale.
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