He cancelled the Nikah without any explanation: Part 2 #NotABrideTodayButSomeday
August 8, 2022
muzmatch member Shasha shares her story of how her wedding was cancelled 3 weeks before the date without any good reason. She decided to be strong and still have her wedding photoshoot alone, as a sign of strength and positivity, for all the other women who have experienced the same thing. This is part 2 of the blog, where she talks about what she learnt on her journey. For part 1, click here.
I decided to go ahead and have the wedding photoshoot myself...
The good folks of Lightview.sg photography felt inspired to document my story as a social cause, after hearing that such endings happen to many other brides-to-be.
These were the few things I learnt about myself as I walked through my healing journey:
1) Family is Everything:
Perhaps I have been a hopeless romantic and self-absorbed love-lorn person for too long. While it was no fault of anyone that I was not able to have my parents present for my wedding due to being in different countries, I deeply felt saddened that such a happy occasion was not filled with the people that matter most to me.
And in spite of everything, my parents (bless them ya Rabb) were there for me every step of the way after the break-up, consoling me and tending to my calls at odd hours of the night and painfully listening to me grieve. As part of the healing, my parents decided to turn my supposed wedding date into a commemoration ceremony to sadaqah surah Yaasin and prayers for our departed loved ones, and to express gratitude to Allah. My aunts, uncles, and relatives came in batches to console and wish me well, reminding me that family is indeed everything.
2) There is No Expiry Date for Marriageability
Only Allah knows who is our jodoh, our soulmate. Often when I meet someone, I start my guesswork. Is this the one? He seems to check all the boxes? I was definitely affected by societal standards, regardless of how much I tried to not feel pressured by them. I was in my mid-30s and I yearned to have children. But I simply could not have control over these things. I learnt to accept that marriage indeed has no expiry date.
If I believe it is a forever commitment, then time is immaterial as Allah has written with whom and when that will be. And who is to say that my soulmate and the man that has been reserved for me is in this dunya! If I purify my heart and truly appreciate the meaning of surrendering to God’s will, then no matter what the standards on marriageability are in this world, they will not detriment my faith and the promise of a happily-ever-after beyond this lifetime.
3) Learn to love Allah wholeheartedly before you let anyone in your heart
Allah loves us as he tests us. I am imperfect and have definitely made several mistakes, and judged poorly in the previous relationship too. A relationship is only and truly halal in marriage after Nikah. I have learnt that I need to really deepen my relationship with Allah. Remember that Allah is my first love. My best friend. And the only One that has loved me before I was even born.
Even during the relationship, there were moments when I felt our views and values about our Islamic faith conflicted. The right person will meet me at the same point in my spiritual journey to Allah, and will walk alongside me towards Allah. I need to truly believe this wholeheartedly before I let anyone new into my heart.
4) The search for my soulmate continues… till Jannah!
All of us Muslimah sisters dream for a righteous, pious and responsible man to lead us in family life. But how do we discern who our soulmate is? Is it by the number of surahs they have memorized or how many times they claim to have completed the Quran? Is it by the measure of their 5-times a day salat? Or is it through the way they interact with their mother?
There are many lessons in Hadith about the qualities of our Prophet Muhammad that we can draw inspiration from in how we discern compatibility with someone in marriage. And I pray more of our men would aspire to strengthen their faith and role modelling in the community according to the Prophet’s teachings too. InshaAllah Allah will guide us to be paired with the right person at the right place and the right time in our lives.
5) Do what Allah has created us to do.
The world is created for us to serve Him. How I pursue my dreams and desires should always be guided by prayer and in consideration of how it contributes to strengthening my Imaan. I have just got an offer to pursue my Masters in Development Studies, so that is very exciting to consider.
I aim to do more charity work, and recently signed on to be an orphan-sponsor. I pray that this chapter in my life marks a new beginning for me as a Muslimah, to never give up and grow in my resilience and faith towards God. Life is an open road as I wake up with a mission to appreciate everything that is beautiful and gifted in this world and the remembrance of a sweeter Hereafter for the deeds that we do.
I pray whoever reads my story receives it positively. InshaAllah.
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