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Still Hoping for Love After Catfishing or Ghosting?

“I don’t think I can go through this again.”

If you’ve ever been catfished, ghosted, or left wondering why you weren’t enough — you probably understand the feeling too.

Online spaces, including Muslim dating apps, can bring incredible opportunities for connection… but also moments of deep disappointment. Many of us go in hoping for love, only to leave with our self-esteem shaken and our trust chipped away.But I want to offer you a different perspective — one that centers your ruh (soul), your wisdom, and your capacity to heal.Let’s unpack what might be happening beneath the surface — and how you can keep showing up for love, without losing your heart along the way.

The Pain is Real — But So Is the Healing

Catfishing (when someone pretends to be someone they’re not), ghosting (sudden silence without closure), and even self-rejection (“They’ll never want someone like me anyway…”) are more than frustrating. They hit deep places in us that long to be seen, valued, and chosen.As a systemic therapist, I don’t just look at what happened — I help clients understand why it hurt so much. Often, the root isn’t just in this one experience — it’s in older stories of abandonment, shame, or conditional acceptance that are being activated all over again.

So your reaction isn’t an overreaction.It’s a call to pause, reflect, and tend to what’s still unhealed.So What Now? Should I Just Stop Looking?You might feel tempted to delete all the apps, swear off love, and build walls instead of bridges. And hey — sometimes a break is necessary. But don’t mistake protection for isolation.You don’t have to choose between loving fully and being smart.You can date with both heart and boundaries. You can hope — and also screen. You can believe in love — and also believe in your own clarity.

Here are three gentle shifts to help you navigate this space differently:

1. Protect Your Heart, But Don’t Shut It DownBeing selective, emotionally slow, and spiritually grounded doesn’t make you “too much” — it makes you safe. Learn to trust the pace of connection, not just the spark. Look for patterns, not promises. Ask meaningful questions, not just chemistry-based ones.

2. Trust Your Ruh More Than the AlgorithmYour soul knows. When something feels off, confusing, or rushed, listen. Make istikharah with sincerity. Stay in touch with your intuition, and don’t override red flags in the name of “hope.”Allah gave us signs in people, but also inside of us.

3. Heal the Parts That Fear RejectionSometimes the scariest part isn’t being ghosted — it’s being seen.Ask yourself:• Am I showing up from a place of wholeness… or fear of being alone?• Am I trying to prove my worth… or share it?Real love — the kind that feels safe, steady, and aligned with our faith — doesn’t need performance. It needs presence.

Final Reflections: You’re Not Too Much. You’re Not Too Late.

So if you’re still hoping for love after being let down, know this:Your desire is not a weakness.Your disappointment doesn’t define you.Your story is still unfolding.You’re allowed to be tender and discerning. Soft and wise. Open and protected. You’re allowed to still want love, even if it hasn’t found you yet.And when it does — may it be real, reciprocal, and rooted in who you truly are.

Article written by Ayesha Aslam, Director and Founder of Sakoon Counselling.

Sakoon Counselling is a UK-based service dedicated to providing faith and culturally-sensitive therapy. Sakoon is one of the leading providers of counselling for the Muslim community in the UK with clients across the globe.Ayesha is a passionate advocate for breaking mental health stigmas in the Muslim community and continues to lead efforts in integrating faith and therapy. Recently, she has released the first full fledged Muslim mental health app, Muslim Mood Fit.

This Mental Health Awareness Week, take a moment to look after yourself. If you wish to start your therapy journey, book an appointment with Sakoon for a range of services to fit your needs.

“If we argue, something must be wrong with our marriage.”

We’re conditioned to believe that conflict in marriage is a sign of failure, that a “good” relationship is one where we never fight. But let me tell you: conflict is not the problem. It’s how we handle it that matters.In fact, avoiding conflict can do far more damage to a relationship than having disagreements. Here’s why—and how you can transform your approach to conflict in marriage.

Avoidance Feels Peaceful, But It’s Actually Dangerous.

When we avoid conflict, it might feel like we’re keeping the peace. We think we’re saving each other from hurt feelings or unnecessary stress. But here’s the truth: avoiding conflict is a form of avoidance itself. It might seem like you’re keeping things calm on the surface, but underneath, resentment builds.Think about it: when you don’t talk about an issue, it doesn’t disappear. It lingers. It quietly erodes the emotional connection in your marriage.

Signs that conflict is being avoided in your relationship include:• You feel like you can’t talk about certain issues without arguing.• You avoid deep conversations to keep things “easy.”• You find yourself quietly angry or upset, but not expressing it.• When a problem arises, you withdraw emotionally instead of discussing it.All of this can lead to feeling disconnected—even if there’s no outward fighting. And that’s where the real problem lies.

Conflict Isn’t the Problem—It’s How We Approach It

The real issue is how we handle conflict. Disagreements are natural; they don’t have to mean the end of the world. In fact, when approached the right way, conflict can actually strengthen your marriage.The Prophet ﷺ demonstrated the best way to approach conflict: with ihsan (excellence), mercy, and patience. He didn’t avoid difficult moments in his marriage. He handled them with kindness, wisdom, and a deep understanding of the other person’s feelings.Here’s what the Prophet ﷺ taught us:“The best of you are those who are best to their wives.” (Tirmidhi)This hadith highlights how we should approach our spouses, especially when things get difficult. The best of us are those who approach conflict not with anger, but with care.

Healthy Conflict: What Does It Look Like?

Healthy conflict is about expressing your needs and feelings without attacking your spouse. It’s about seeing the disagreement as an opportunity to better understand each other and to grow together.

Here’s what healthy conflict looks like:

• Naming your needs: Be honest about how you feel, but do so with respect and gentleness.• Taking breaks when needed: Sometimes, stepping away for a moment to cool down can prevent things from escalating.• Listening without defensiveness: Truly hear your spouse’s side of the story, even if you disagree.• Choosing repair over being right: It’s not about winning the argument—it’s about reconnecting.

Steps to Repair After a Fight

No one likes fighting, but it’s part of every relationship. The most important part, though, is how you repair the relationship afterward. Here are three steps to help you repair after a conflict:1. Regulate: Take a few minutes to calm your body and mind. Avoid reacting impulsively.2. Reflect: Ask yourself, “What was really going on for me during that fight?” Understanding your own feelings and needs helps you communicate them better.3. Reconnect: After cooling off, approach your spouse with gentleness and a desire to repair. You don’t need to have all the answers, but acknowledging the need for connection can go a long way.

A Final Reminder: You’re Not Failing—You’re Growing

If you and your spouse argue, it doesn’t mean your marriage is doomed. In fact, it’s a sign that you’re growing. The Prophet ﷺ showed us that disagreements are an opportunity to build empathy, trust, and a deeper connection. By addressing conflict with ihsan and compassion, you create a bond that is resilient, loving, and rooted in mutual respect.Healthy marriages aren’t those without conflict—they’re those that have learned how to navigate it with care. You don’t need perfection, you need presence.

Let’s Talk

Do you tend to avoid conflict, or is it something you’re still learning to navigate in your marriage? Share your thoughts in the comments below—let’s support each other in building stronger, more compassionate relationships.

Article written by Ayesha Aslam, Director and Founder of Sakoon Counselling.

Sakoon Counselling is a UK-based service dedicated to providing faith and culturally-sensitive therapy. Sakoon is one of the leading providers of counselling for the Muslim community in the UK with clients across the globe,Ayesha is a passionate advocate for breaking mental health stigmas in the Muslim community and continues to lead efforts in integrating faith and therapy. Recently, she has released the first full fledged Muslim mental health app, Muslim Mood Fit.

This Mental Health Awareness Week, take a moment to look after yourself. If you wish to start your therapy journey, book an appointment with Sakoon for a range of services to fit your needs.

For many single Muslims, the search for a spouse is filled with silent prayers — a hope that marriage will ease their loneliness, heal their brokenness, and finally feel like home.Yet, we have witnessed how sometimes, marriage can open deeper wounds instead of closing them.Marriage doesn’t erase your wounds. It exposes them.The way we communicate, react to conflict, seek closeness, or pull away—all of it is shaped by the experiences we carry into a relationship. If those experiences remain unprocessed, they often become emotional baggage, quietly impacting how we love and how we let ourselves be loved.

So, what Is Emotional Baggage?

It’s the unresolved pain, patterns, and beliefs we carry from our past.These can come from:• Previous relationships that ended painfully or left trust issues• Childhood wounds, such as neglect, criticism, or inconsistent love• Family patterns—perhaps you witnessed high conflict or emotional withdrawal at home• Community or cultural pressure around timelines and expectations

This baggage doesn’t just live in our minds—it shows up in our nervous systems, in our responses, in the way we connect or shut down.

Here are some signs you might need to pause and heal as you navigate the path to marriage:

• You keep attracting emotionally unavailable people• You struggle to trust even those who treat you well• You find yourself sabotaging good connections out of fear• You’ve developed a belief that you’re “too much” or “not enough”• You feel anxious or shut down in emotionally vulnerable moments

You do not need to be perfectly healed before marriage.

You just need to be:• Self-aware: Able to recognize your patterns and triggers• Growth-oriented: Willing to reflect, learn, and take responsibility• Emotionally honest: Open to connection without hiding behind masksHealing is less about achieving a “finished” version of yourself, and more about creating the capacity for intimacy, trust, and repair.

Here are a few journaling or contemplation prompts if you’re currently in the process of seeking a spouse:• What relational patterns do I keep repeating—and where do they come from?• How did my family environment shape my understanding of love and safety?• What does emotional safety feel like to me, and how will I recognize it in someone else?

Self-reflection isn’t just self-help. It’s self-respect. And it gives you the clarity to choose someone not out of fear or fantasy—but out of faith and fit.In Islam, we turn to Allah as Ash-Shāfī—The Healer.

Our emotional and relational healing can be an act of worship. Seeking therapy, making du’a, having tawakkul, and striving for better character are all parts of this journey.You’re not delaying your path to marriage by healing first.You’re honoring it.

A Loving ReminderIf you’re single and working on yourself, know this: You’re not behind.You’re preparing.

And the version of you that does this heard work now will build a marriage that’s not just halal—but healing, fulfilling, and deeply rooted in emotional and spiritual safety.If this spoke to you, or if you know someone navigating their own healing journey while searching for love, share this article with them. You never know whose heart might need this reminder today.

Article written by Ayesha Aslam, Director and Founder of Sakoon Counselling.

Sakoon Counselling is a UK-based service dedicated to providing faith and culturally-sensitive therapy. Sakoon is one of the leading providers of counselling for the Muslim community in the UK with clients across the globe,Ayesha is a passionate advocate for breaking mental health stigmas in the Muslim community and continues to lead efforts in integrating faith and therapy. Recently, she has released the first full fledged Muslim mental health app, Muslim Mood Fit.

This Mental Health Awareness Week, take a moment to look after yourself. If you wish to start your therapy journey, book an appointment with Sakoon for a range of services to fit your needs.