Excuses To Get Out Of A Bad Date
August 8, 2022
One of my friends once told me about a story where she went on a date and the guy just wouldn’t stop talking about himself, and when she tried to talk he would cut her off. She found him to be rude and very condescending. She kept looking at the door thinking of an exit strategy, but it never came. She endured the whole date with someone who she wasn’t interested in at all. Why? Why can’t we just leave a date early when we know in our hearts that we never want to see that person again?
Most likely it’s due to the fear of appearing to be impolite, or hurting the other person's feelings. However if the date is so bad that you spend the majority of it planning your escape, I think you should be allowed to leave it early.
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As more and more young muslims are getting into the “halal dating” scene, it is definitely important we address issues such as how to leave a bad date, especially if you’re feeling uncomfortable or scared. Without further ado, let's get into it:
1) Don’t plan a long first date.
If you’re worried about how the date will go, don’t plan something long. Meet up at a cafe for coffee, or something quick that doesn’t mean you have to stick around for a long time. Imagine going for a 3 course meal, and realising you can’t stand your date. You would have to endure their company for starters, main course, and dessert! You want to avoid that situation at all costs. Go to a café, sit and chat, and if you decide you enjoy their company, then great, you can stay for longer or go grab that 3 course meal.
2) Come prepared with an exit strategy
My personal favorite was always “I’m meeting with some friends after this”, meaning the date would be limited to a certain time slot, and I would actually make sure I did have plans with friends afterwards so that it wasn’t a lie! It’s definitely important to always tell your friends or family where you’re going and with who, for safety reasons.
Your exit plan doesn't have to be limited to friends, it could be a family gathering, a meeting for work...maybe even do a lunch date on a work day, as then you’ll literally only have one hour to spare before returning back to your job.
3) Bring a Chaperone
Honestly this is the best and safest way to meet someone. If the date goes bad, hopefully your chaperone could give you a hand in ending it. However, if you don’t feel comfortable doing that, try to plan your date near some friends or family. Arrange to "casually" bump into them, and turn it into a group hangout. This will make the situation a lot more comfortable for you, and then later on you can text your date and tell them that you’re not interested in meeting again.
4) Tell the waiter/staff you don’t feel comfortable
If you feel very uncomfortable or scared on your date, tell someone. Don’t sit around thinking you need to endure it out of politeness, your safety is way more important. If you’re in a café go to the waiters and ask for some help. If there is no one around you to help (which there really should be, make sure to always plan your dates in a public setting!), then there are some apps you could use to help you out, such as “expect me”, an app which will notify your friends if you don’t turn up at the expected location.
5) Don’t be afraid to tell the truth
Honesty is always the best policy, the excuses where you have to lie or get a friend to bail you out should really only be used when you’re feeling unsafe. There is nothing wrong with telling your date “I’m sorry, I think you’re a nice person but I don’t want to waste your time by continuing this date". It may hurt to hear that, but in the long run, you are not leading anyone one, and you’re not wasting their time, which is the best thing to do.
6) Don’t let them pay for you
If your date pays for you, you may feel you have to stick around to make up for that; you feel like you owe them your company in exchange for the money. You don’t need to feel this way, but you can easily avoid this by paying for yourself, then you won’t feel you owe them your time and can leave with a guilt free conscience.
7) Don’t end the date with “Let’s do this again sometime”
There is nothing wrong with saying “I’m sorry, I don’t think this will go anywhere, but it was lovely meeting you!” it’s better than leading the person on. Or you could text it to them after the date, the main thing is if you don’t think you can marry them, don’t date them. Simple as.